:: zut alors

Doesn't time fly, etc. Here we are on our last day in Paris, already! Well, not quite our last - we come back for one night before flying to London.

The undoubted highlight was the Segway tour: man that was so much fun! It's a machine designed to make you look like a pure dork, but in fact they are great to ride. To go forward you just lean forward - and suddenly you're gliding along with a very quiet hum. Lean back and you stop, and then go backwards. Twist the little control and you spin round on the spot.

There were nine of us on the tour, I think, plus the two guides. First we did some training, then we headed off down the street. Not only was it cool fun riding the things, but it was lots of fun watching people's reactions. Mostly it was gob-smacked amazement, amusement and envy: what is that thing? Where can I get one? There was a little bit of scorn, but not much, considering what idiots we looked. Pinky and I were great at marketing the Segway, passing out brochures and urging everyone to take a tour.

The guides were a hoot too: the firm that does the tours is based in Texas, and most of its employees are young Texan dudes. (There was a bumper sticker in the office saying "Texas is bigger than France".) I say "dudes" because they all talked exactly like Bob and Ted, and their sense of history was pretty Bob and Ted too. The French Revolution was like, awesome? They like, cut the king's head totally off? Right here where we're standing? They were such cute guides though. Explaining that the Louvre was originally a fort built to protect the city against the Vikings, Daniela said: "Before I came here I didn't even realise the Vikings like, actually existed? But they did, and they were like, totally hassling the Pareeshuns?" Dude.

We've also been to the Pere Lachaise cemetary (where I fell over and cut my hand, wah!), Sacre Coeure and Montmartre, Musee d'Orsay (pinky), Arc de Triomphe (me) and have eaten huge quantities of excellent french bread and cheese, and plenty of cakes. Pinky has bought TWO handbags, really classy ones.

We're off to Bordeaux on the train tomorrow, then heading out into the French countryside in a hired voiture. We may or may not go to Spain; we'll see how we feel. Then back to Paris on 10 October and to London on the 11th.

It's been lovely having this flat, we will really miss it. It's on Rue de Seine in St Germaine des Pres, quite a snooty and artistic area - lots of galleries and chic shops - but also interesting and quirky.

:: bye-bye, ozzy

He's gone! Hurrah. Bertie is mightily relieved and has allowed his previously immaculately good behaviour to slip back to pre-Ozzy levels. I don't care, I'm happy to be able to sleep all night for a change.

Here are some cute photos of the pair of them:


I have no idea how much either of them ate during the week, because they kept eating each other's food. I put Bertie's dishes up on a box, but Ozzy didn't find that much of a challenge.


They look similar in size in that shot, but this one shows the difference better: Ozzy can walk underneath Bertie without touching. This was taken on a walk at Blackness (Blackness Castle is in the background).


Ozzy is much smarter than Bertie: he still set off down to the water for a drink, but quickly turned back when he found the seaweed was all slippery and nasty-smelling.

:: double trouble

Memo to self: Don't even think about getting another dog. One is plenty.

Actually Ozzy's been pretty good: he sleeps late and hasn't barked too much. But every expedition is fraught with complications: try keeping two excited dogs calm while you're trying to pick up poo! Also there's a problem at feeding time. Ozzy prefers Bertie's food and Bertie prefers Ozzy's, so we have a wee terrier eating out of a giant bowl and a big greyhound stooping to empty a tiny saucer. Today Ozzy brazenly stole Bertie's treasured Jumbone literally from under his nose: he nipped in and snatched it away. Bertie just looked glum, he didn't even growl, bless him.

One night we had high drama: as a treat on the late-night walk, I let Bertie off the lead in the big field under the bridge. Fine. But then I fumbled Ozzy's lead and dropped it. And he vanished. Trailing the big plastic lead reel. Aieee! Bertie's easy to see at night, being large and white. But Ozzy's small and dark, invisible at night. It was half an hour and much calling and whistling before I heard a little whimper from the thicket. I had to crawl under hawthorns and through brambles to reach him, and then untangle the lead. All doubled over, in the pitch dark. I was terrified I'd lost him - imagine that.

More dog news: I found Bertie's entry on the greyhound data website. He came second in two races! Awwww. And then second last, and finally - last. Oops.

Work's very busy, as per usual. I can't wait for my holidays! It'll be great to get away.

:: countdown

Only a couple of weeks to go before I'm on holiday! Wheee!

Tomorrow I collect Oz, who's staying with me for a week while his people are on holiday. I'm slightly nervous about what he and Bertie might get up to while I'm at work. Bertie just sleeps the whole time I'm away, but Oz is a busy little chap. Hmm.

:: Fizzling

Every now and then I go through a patch where Things Break Down. I've been in such a patch for a while now. First there was the car -- new ignition, new starter motor, and not too long after I'd spent a few hundred pounds getting it through its MoT (WoF). Then there's the garden tap -- sudden total failure of the washer, something I must get seen to before I go on holiday (in case there's an early frost and a repeat of the Great Flood of 2000/2001).

In the study things are not going well either. My printer's ink tank ran dry not long after being installed. Reconditioned and bought on the cheap, a classic case of false economy. I got a new one by mail order. The firm sent the wrong one. Cue long battle to get a replacement. Eventually it transpired that they're out of stock. Sigh. Cue long battle to get my money back.

Meanwhile, I succumbed to temptation and bought a portable digital radio. It arrived quickly, it was fabulous! One slight problem -- the volume went up to maximum at random. Alarming with earphones and probably dangerous. Cue long battle to get replacement. Eventually it transpired that they're out of stock. Sigh. Cue long battle to get my money back.

Now it's my computer. I bought a new printer -- which is fabulous and more importantly works -- but for some mysterious reason my computer now "hangs" during bootup for five minutes or more. It goes all right once it's booted, but something's wrong somewhere.

In other news, I've just had four days off in a row. Very relaxing and enjoyable. Yesterday the weather was stunning so I threw Bertie in the car and drove to Tentsmuir Forest. Lots of people were there walking and picnicking and sunbathing (no-one was swimming -- it's the North Sea, after all!) but it's such a big area it didn't feel crowded at all.

Back to work today. I also have a meeting with the boss to talk about my pay rise. Wish me luck!