:: at auction

A while back I visited the website of an auction firm in Falkirk and signed up to get the catalogue for its weekly sales by email. So now I get this lovely weekly dip into People's Stuff. The regular sale is Wednesday evenings, so because I work nights I never get to go. But one of these weeks I'm going to take a Wednesday off specifically so I can.

This week's catalogue is a real gem. There's the usual torrent of "Misc Including Carlton etc" and "China Table Lamp", and "sign of the times" lots - "2 Radiograms £20-£30" and "Sel of Records & Videos £8-£12" (and I really want to know the difference between "Box of Misc" and "Box of Odds"). There are also comical mysteries: "Coq Au Van. £6-£10", "Enamel Bread Bin & Contents £10-£15", "Lark Yukelleli. £10-£15".

But a weird dissonance gathers as you read through. For example:

287 Moorland Fish Vase. £ 20.00 — £ 30.00
288 Murano Glass Vase. £ 25.00 — £ 40.00
289 Lorna Bailey Startled Cat. £ 20.00 — £ 30.00
290 Selection of Coronation Street Stars Autographs. £ 30.00 — £ 50.00
291 Nazi Cup Saucer & Spoon. £ 15.00 — £ 20.00
292 Bretby Honey Box & Cover. £ 15.00 — £ 30.00
293 2 Golf Club Heads. £ 10.00 — £ 20.00

Woah! Nazi cup saucer and spoon? There's Nazi stuff sprinkled throughout the catalogue, mostly medals and badges. I googled Lorna Bailey and found she designs the most vile, garish ceramics imaginable. I started to get a woozy vision of a Colonel Bufferish character ("Masonic Apron Sash Jewel etc. £25-£40")surrounded by stamp albums, military paraphenalia and golfing kit. His wife channels her repressed rage into a vast collection of china cats, dogs, rabbits, birds and pigs. Their house is crammed with furniture - "6 Tier Open Bookcase" and "Mahogany Corner Cabinet".

I like to think he's the one who popped his clogs and she's moving to the south of France with the proceeds from the sale.