:: the autumn edition

The clocks went back on Sunday and suddenly we're on the slippery slope to winter. Slippery as in rain on fallen leaves, thick mud and puddles. Not slippery as in ice - not yet anyway.

At the moment my obsession is mostly house-related. So much to do and so little interest from workmen in doing it! I'm trying simultaneously to get a new front door (on my to-do list for several years now) and a lick of paint on the gutterings and downpipes. A local chap is supposed to be giving me a quote for a door and the man who made a lovely job of next door's guttering is meant to be doing mine too. No sign of life from either.

In the meantime, ever optimistic, I attacked the honeysuckle and the climbing rose at the front with the wonderful loppers Faye gave me. I meant to just clear them away from the downpipes, but went a bit mad and cut the whole lot down. Ooops! Faye assures me they'll probably grow back. I hope so. It looks very bald out there.

Other plans, DIY this time, include replacing the strip light in the kitchen (held together by gaffer tape at the moment) and fixing up the peeling patch in the ceiling that dates from the time the bathroom leaked.

Then there's the garden. I have great plans for the garden. At the moment it's a jungle - I missed a couple of crucial lawn-mowing opportunities and it's been raining since, so the grass is a foot long or more front and back. I want to put in some raised beds, mainly to keep them out of Bertie's reach, and I want some fruit trees, a plum tree at least and maybe an apple as well. I don't think there's room for everything. Out the front, I'm savaging the rose bush as well as the climbers. It looks like two rose bushes, but I think what happened was that the rootstock on the original got out of control, so there's an ailing hybrid nearly choked out by a vigorous rosa. I'm cutting out all the rootstock suckers and pruning the hybrid back. I'll feed it in the spring and see how it goes. It's quite a pretty one, deep pink. I'm also planting more lavender - it does well and of course smells wonderful. The funny sickly little daphne bush has put on a growth spurt so I'll leave it even though it still hasn't flowered.

Out in the wider world it's been an amazing few weeks for fungi-spotting. I've never ever seen such a variety. The beginning of the month was warm and wet so conditions were perfect, but I wonder where the fungi were last year. Does the spawn lie dormant until conditions are right? Is it blown in from elsewhere? I've been taking loads of photos of them, they're fascinating.

I've been doing a lot of walking and enjoying it. Yesterday Faye and I went on a long ramble around Holyrood Park, which was just great. It was a blustery day but not wet or cold (yes, I should really have been mowing the lawn). Bertie had a fabulous time too. We had a look at the Parliament too, and then had dinner at Faye's place. She's settling in well, has her flat looking lovely and will be getting the phone on any minute now - she has her mobile but is missing being able to keep up with emails.

:: more pix

"During" shots rather than "after" ones - Faye's still still living in a sea of boxes.

In the kitchen. This was taken last Sunday - I had dinner at Faye's (roast lamb) and then we went to the Fireworks Concert.

One of the livingroom windows.

The table, with the radio I gave Faye as an early birthday present. It's a digital one, gets about 35 stations.

The building the flat is in.

And from the other side.

The other side of the street - there are some really cute little corners in these quiet back streets.

Looking out towards Dublin Street.

:: what I did on my holidays

Travelogue later ... I'm going to start with the more recent stuff, ie Faye's big move. I collected the keys to her new flat on Friday, because she was working, and when she got home we hopped in the car and rushed straight over there. Here are the photos (click on them for a larger version; if you want to save them, right-click and choose "save as"):


Bertie came along for the ride. We are such IKEA experts we immediately identified the chair as a Poang.


Faye admires her *lovely* pine headboard.



There's a built-in wardrobe too.


Bertie was a bit nervous in case the owners came home and caught us there.


The livingroom has another window similar to these ones, nice traditional style with brass latches and clanking weights. It's all very airy and light.


The kitchen is small but packs in a lot of kit - fridge, freezer, washing machine and stove. There's a microwave too.


The sofa is from IKEA as well.


Whoops, this one came out a bit dark


Among the furniture was this odd little chair.


Faye looooooooves her tiny little chair


See? It's made for little people.

Saturday was the big day though. Faye got up early and loaded her car, then after breakfast and Bertie's walk we took both cars to the storage depot for more stuff. Traffic was terrible but that was the only hitch - the flat is in a little mews (though spelled "meuse" in this case") courtyard, so we could just park and unload with ease. We had a cup of coffee (the flat has everything, right down to cups and a kettle) and a little rest, then went back to the storage place for a few more things. Then back to my place for tea (takeaways) and another walk for Bertie before Faye headed back to her flat.

Her biggest challenge will be fitting all her things in. She's going to keep her storage unit on for a while until she gets organised. Otherwise the flat is perfect. The location is amazing - right in town but very quiet. The only noise we heard on Friday night was a burst of fireworks from the Tattoo. There's a pub nearby but it's not a noisy one. As a housewarming gift I gave her an early birthday present - a digital radio. So while she doesn't have a TV she does have 35 radio stations to keep her entertained!

Meanwhile I'm enjoying having my house to myself again - sharing it for such a long time underlined for me that I really am a hermit, I love living on my own. It's bliss!

:: heat

The heatwave has cooled down a little, so I'll crank out an update. As most of my readers (all three of you) will know, Faye has migrated north from Englandshire and is at present a houseguest in Salty Towers. She started work today, in a care home on the outskirts of the city. The agency she'd been intending to work for were disorganised and ditzy about her interview and the paperwork and the feeling was they'd probably be disorganised about pay too, so she had a look for other work and landed the care-home job right away. She said it had a friendly, cheerful atmosphere.

Faye has also landed a flat, a nice one-bedroomed furnished place in a lovely quiet cobbled mews courtyard just down the road from the National Portrait Gallery. It isn't available until the end of August. She's looking forward to living in the middle of town and I'm sure she'll be happy there - she certainly won't be short of entertainment.

In the meantime, we've been enjoying some scorching weather - though not absolutely everyone has been enjoying it.



Poor Bertie has been suffering. He loves going for walks, but now has to stick to shady places and trudges panting from watering hole to watering hole. I sometimes take water with me, but he'll only tolerate a "plasticky" drink if he's desperate. The best walks are at night, when it's usually a bit cooler - even the evening's too warm for him. Or in places where there's a nice cooling stream to paddle in (there's one among the trees in the photo). One day I hosed him down after his walk, and he enjoyed that.

The garden's a bit dry, but the soft fruit has done quite well, the blackcurrants in particular. I made some jam at the weekend - even though it was really too hot to be messing with boiling and sterilising!

I've got two weeks' holiday this month, hurrah. I'm going up north for a bit - Andrew is back up there for a year and I'm going to visit him before he starts teaching. He's finished his year of training in Glasgow and will be in his probationary posting at a school near the farm. I'm going to a couple of shows at the Festival and will no doubt see some Fringe things too, and then I might head for the hills for a few days. Faye is due to move into her flat on the last day of my hol, so I'll be able to help with that. She has most of her stuff in storage, but ... well, you know Faye. She has a few tonnes of kit at my place as well.

I was thinking of going up to Torridon, in the north-west. I like the look of this place, though I'm slightly put off by the line "Where Eagles Fly Free" appearing above "dogs are welcome" and a photo of a nervous-looking dachshund. They accept "UK based dogs with well-behaved owners" - presumably owners who won't get hysterical when an eagle makes off with Fido. I also fancy the Old Mill Highland Lodge, which says: "No television. No loud music! No smoking. No children. Well behaved dogs accepted." And ye'll have had yer tea...

I've idled away a few hours recently redecorating my website. Same crappy old content, but spiffy new design.

:: update

Procrastination is a pain. I'm forever putting things off and getting myself in a hideous fankle trying to catch up - or losing out altogether. Yesterday was a prime example: I'd finally sat down with my date book and the sailing school brochure and worked out which canoeing course was doable. Then yesterday I finally remembered to take my bank card with me when walking Bertie down to the marina. And guess what? The canoeing courses are really popular and are all booked out apart from a couple in September and October.

So I went home and checked the dates on those courses and guess what? I can't do any of them. Damn! I'm so cross with myself! If I'd only been sensible and booked the day I looked at canoes. Gah. I've put my name down for cancellations and have made a mental note to book early next year.

Anyway. This past week has been blissful. I've been on holiday, and I've had what I can only describe as ... a holiday. I didn't go anywhere or do anything much. It's been unbelievably enjoyable and restful and restorative. The weather was mostly hot and sunny, perfect for sitting outdoors with my tapestry or a book or (occasionally) a trowel and fork.

The main reason for such blissful inactivity was that Bertie had a mystery sore leg and was confined to tiny short walks and plenty of bed rest. I still don't know what was wrong with him - possibly a sprain. At first it was so painful he couldn't put any weight on it at all. The vet wanted to X-ray it but that means a general anaesthetic, which really knocks him around so I opted to wait and see. And he's all better! So this week, which I also have off, I'll probably head north for a few days.

The main excitements of the past month or so have been family-related. Margie, Jean and Jean's son's partner Rachel stopped off on their grand tour, and the week or so before that Faye was up for a few days. It was simplest for me to move out of my room into "Bertie's room" for a few weeks and "de-Bertie" the other rooms. And what a frenzy of cleaning I went into! Ha ha ha! The header-tank leak came back to haunt me, as the drying-out of the wall and door-jamb in the upstairs hall meant the paint cracked and flaked off. I had to scrape off the old paint, prime the bare plaster and wood thus revealed and repaint. Faye was a trouper and got busy in the garden.

So anyway the house and garden were relatively (ha ha!) clean and tidy for the cousinly visit and they had a good time. I took a day off work and we went across to Dunfermline and looked at the ancestral home, Bamboo Cottage. That was funny, actually. Margie was brave and knocked at the door. The woman who answered went a bit tight-lipped when Margie explained who we were and said: "Yes, this has happened before." She said we could take photos of the front of the house but we couldn't go round the back "because I've got children in the house". Errr ... OK, thanks.

After that we went on a wild-goose chase, looking for Luscar House. In the end, a local woman told us it had been pulled down three years ago. I did some net research later, and it seems that the owner was in hot water for demolishing it without getting permission - it was a listed building. We also had a look round the nearest graveyard, at Carnock, but didn't find any family there. After all that ancestral stuff we did some sightseeing around the East Neuk of Fife before heading back to take poor Bertie for a hobble round the park. We had dinner at my favourite local eaterie, Orocco Pier.

The three of them did a lot of sightseeing around Edinburgh, the highlight being the Castle. They headed off up north for a whirl around various castles and such, before heading back down to London via York and the Lakes District. They had a gorgeous day for the Trooping of the Colour yesterday, I'm sure they enjoyed that.

The weather may be hot down south, but it's cooled down a little here, with some welcome rain. I did some solid work in the garden yesterday and mowed the lawns too, so it's all looking quite spiffy. The poppies are having a bumper year - the blooms are like dinner plates! And it looks as though there's going to be a good harvest of soft fruit.

Right now I'm going to take Bertie for a nice long walk somewhere and drop off some recycling stuff. Moving rooms spurred me into yet another de-clutter: I have too much junk! It must go!

:: dumb and dumberer

I've had such a clunker of a day... first of all I locked myself out of the house. Again. I realised it as soon as I shut the door. I was on my way into town to collect my new digi-TV-DVD-recorder combo thingie (my old DVD player won't play a whole disc without overheating and stopping & the old digi-TV receiver is stuck on Channel 5, which is mainly CIS and plastic surgery) and taking Bertie along for a walk. Not a tragedy though, because I've left a set with next door because I'm always locking myself out.

The next dumberer moment was en route to work. I started to feel very chilly, which was odd given that it's a hot, muggy day. Then I realised it was because I'd put the air conditioning on. I hardly ever use it but it's a hot, muggy day ... Duh.

And then at work I tried to negotiate the heavy canteen doors while carrying several cups of coffee on a tray AND wearing a white shirt. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

I haven't had much time with the DVD recorder because of all the tutuing around getting the spare keys etc, but it seems to be insanely complicated and wonderful. I got it from Argos, the cheap and cheerful warehouse place, and it was a bargain. I think I'll be able to copy my videos on to DVDs, and then I'll just have one box instead of a guddle of wires and remotes. The image quality is heaps better too. Still the same old telly though, which seems to just keep on keeping on.

The Cow Parade is here! Lots of amazing designs, though sadly some have been vandalised and one - Fruit Smooothy - has even vanished entirely.

There are a few outside work, this one's my favourite:



Over the Moo-n

More cow puns than you can shake a stick at.

:: splashing out

It's a couple of years since I did any sailing and I really miss it. So I've been casting around for a water-based activity that won't be too hard on my poor old knees. I've long had a hankering to try scuba diving, but in the end the complexity of equipment, not to mention all the folderol of getting out to divable depths etc etc, is offputting. I'd probably end up only doing it on holidays, when what I really want is something I can do for a couple of hours on a whim.

So the latest thing I'm looking at is canoing or kayaking. I had a good talk to a chap in the Bosun's Locker shop at the marina and am just about ready to buy something. But it's so hard to decide! The cheapest option is a sit-on plastic kayak, but you wouldn't be able to do longer excursions on that; it's really just a fine-day fun thing. The next size of sit-on would be better. Then there are the kayaks and sea kayaks, which are more expensive but have more storage space and are good for longer trips.

My idea would be to keep the boat in the shed and trundle it to the slipway (you can get a lovely little set of wheels) when I fancied a spin. Eventually I could get a roofrack for the car and take it on holiday. I'd start out just doing a couple of hours pottering up and down the river close to home, but I'd like to work up to proper excursions, up to Blackness for example.

But obviously I would like to test-drive a kayak before shelling out £350+ for all the kit. The chandlers offers a quick turn around the bit of harbour immediately by the shop, but I want more like half a day to be sure it's for me. Today I talked to Iain about it - he's one of the instructors at the sailing school. He said I may be able to hire a kayak from them, but I'd have to talk to Ollie, the head of the sailing school. Happily I bumped into him a bit later; he wasn't as enthusiastic as Iain though (to be fair, it's hard to imagine anyone as enthusiastic as Iain - he's a one-off!). He cited safety rules etc etc, said they don't normally hire kayaks to individuals. He suggested taking a course. So I picked up a brochure and they have a weekend course for beginners, and a weekend sea kayaking course. That's the one for me, I reckon: "paddling, self-rescue, navigation and passage planning". You need "3 or 4 days' minimum experience", which I have - albeit from nearly 20 years ago; I did a week-long trip down the Wanganui back in the late 80s. I may do both courses, just to be sure.


This is the Necky Sky, which is a small "recreational" kayak. I like the look of it, though it wouldn't be suitable for longer trips. It doesn't have any storage space, just the bungee cords. You can fit a hatch, but it's a faff. The ones that are for longer trips are bigger, heavier and more expensive.



This is the cheapest option, an Ocean Kayak Frenzy - it's purely a fun boat. If I decide against kayaking long-distance, this would be nice for just the occasional splash around in a loch or river on a nice day.

The Bosuns Locker also sells inflatable kayaks, but I'd be too nervous of springing a leak to go far in one of those! Though the salesman said they are very sturdy and surprisingly good to paddle.

In other news: apparently our jobs are safe for at least a year. We had been very nervous as the axe swung in other departments - something our new owners call "synergy". But we have been assured there will be no cuts in our numbers.

Meanwhile I'm looking forward to hosting Margie, Jean and Rachel during their OE. They are in Spain at the moment and get here at the beginning of June. Hurrah!

Faye is still looking for work up here - she has an interview for one in Edinburgh that offers just a couple of days a week, which would be a start.

I'd better get ready for work!

:: spring update

Ummmmmm.... As usual, I haven't been doing much.

The garden is a wreck, mainly due to the weather. But then this weekend (Easter) the weather hasn't been too bad and the garden is still a wreck. An attack of laziness, I'm afraid. I did tidy up out the back a bit, as it's almost nice enough out to breakfast outdoors, hurrah. And I potted up some lilies given to me by a friend I did some IT work for. The garlic has been trompled on a bit by a certain dog but is coming up nicely despite that.

The house is also a wreck, though not as much a wreck as next door - Frances has discovered an unexplained seepage above her front door, causing the wall to crumble away. Someone has checked out the plumbing and it seems ok, so now she's looking at the weeds growing out of the guttering and thinking maybe it's that. Mysterious that she's got no damp upstairs though. Touch wood, my place is at least structurally sound. Last year's leak from the header tank in the loft cracked the plaster skim on the wall in the hallway as it dried, but I can live with that. (And no, Frances' mystery damp isn't related to my leak - it's in a different spot altogether.)

Faye came to visit for a couple of days last week - she drove up overnight, having finished work at about 6pm on the Sunday, but got lost on the way up and ended up driving south again for an hour before realising her mistake. So she wisely stopped off at a hotel and continued in the morning. She's still looking for a job up here, no luck so far.

I've been on some lovely walks, got hailed on (Bertie is most baffled by hail - hey, who's throwing stones at us? stop it, it hurts!) and rained on, and on one glorious day slipped in fresh mud (while wiping away tears after being whipped in the face by a branch let slip by my neighbour, who was squelching up the path ahead of me) and actually slid a little ways downhill on my belly. My poor neighbour was mortified, but it was funny - I was giggling as I slid.

Another neighbour has a new puppy - a shar pei. I had to visit to meet it, because it's only just had its vaccination shots and isn't allowed out on the street. It's the cutest, sweetest pup, really adorable. She already has a chow chow and previously had akitas - she's keen on oriental breeds.

Speaking of unusual pets, I met a man taking his cat for a walk the other day! Luckily Bertie didn't spot it, so he had time to pick the cat up and I had time to get Bertie on the leash. The cat was very relaxed, but did give a warning growl when Bertie looked at it. He looked away again smartish - no way was he starting a fight! The man said the cat has already beaten up a doberman. Later on I spotted it sitting on the parcel shelf of his 4x4, a great big tabby with yellow eyes.

Bertie's in fine form - he's not had any accidents for a while now (touch wood). I did find a lump that worried me for a bit, but it's not gotten any bigger so the vet says it's probably ok. He certainly looks healthy, with a lovely sleek coat and the coldest, wettest nose around.

Work is fine - the new owners have been sacking people left and right but not in our department. Yet. I've never felt particularly secure, so after ten years on staff I'm used to worrying about being sacked!

:: at auction

A while back I visited the website of an auction firm in Falkirk and signed up to get the catalogue for its weekly sales by email. So now I get this lovely weekly dip into People's Stuff. The regular sale is Wednesday evenings, so because I work nights I never get to go. But one of these weeks I'm going to take a Wednesday off specifically so I can.

This week's catalogue is a real gem. There's the usual torrent of "Misc Including Carlton etc" and "China Table Lamp", and "sign of the times" lots - "2 Radiograms £20-£30" and "Sel of Records & Videos £8-£12" (and I really want to know the difference between "Box of Misc" and "Box of Odds"). There are also comical mysteries: "Coq Au Van. £6-£10", "Enamel Bread Bin & Contents £10-£15", "Lark Yukelleli. £10-£15".

But a weird dissonance gathers as you read through. For example:

287 Moorland Fish Vase. £ 20.00 — £ 30.00
288 Murano Glass Vase. £ 25.00 — £ 40.00
289 Lorna Bailey Startled Cat. £ 20.00 — £ 30.00
290 Selection of Coronation Street Stars Autographs. £ 30.00 — £ 50.00
291 Nazi Cup Saucer & Spoon. £ 15.00 — £ 20.00
292 Bretby Honey Box & Cover. £ 15.00 — £ 30.00
293 2 Golf Club Heads. £ 10.00 — £ 20.00

Woah! Nazi cup saucer and spoon? There's Nazi stuff sprinkled throughout the catalogue, mostly medals and badges. I googled Lorna Bailey and found she designs the most vile, garish ceramics imaginable. I started to get a woozy vision of a Colonel Bufferish character ("Masonic Apron Sash Jewel etc. £25-£40")surrounded by stamp albums, military paraphenalia and golfing kit. His wife channels her repressed rage into a vast collection of china cats, dogs, rabbits, birds and pigs. Their house is crammed with furniture - "6 Tier Open Bookcase" and "Mahogany Corner Cabinet".

I like to think he's the one who popped his clogs and she's moving to the south of France with the proceeds from the sale.

:: back by popular demand

OK, it was just Mog. But hey, at least I have A Reader.

Um, so, what have I been doing? My knees have been pretty good lately so I've been going on longer walks - on Sunday, for example, I went to the Pentlands and ended up hiking for about three or four hours.



That's Carnethy Hill from Turnhouse Hill. In the olden days I would have kept on going over Carnethy and down the Old Kirk Road and walked back past the two reservoirs. But this time I felt a bit too knackered, so I cut straight down the hill. It looked easy from the top, ha ha! But it was incredibly steep and boggy too, so it was actually quite arduous. Plus because it's sheep country Bertie has to be on the lead. By this stage he was getting frustrated - "Come on, it's downhill! Shake a leg!" - and kept tugging on the lead. In the end I let him off, and he went crazy, zinging back and forth through the heather looking for the sheep. Luckily I managed to get him back on the lead before we got to them (they were at the bottom of the hill near the burn).



There was still a bit of snow around but it was pretty slushy. There's been a lot of snow around this winter (you can't really call it spring yet!) but very little in my neck of the woods. There was one decent fall at the beginning of this month but it only lasted a couple of days. There was another fall last week - see above for the remnants - but it lasted even less than that. And yesterday it snowed again but didn't lie.



Bertie loved the big snowfall - all the dogs did.

In between breaks in the weather I managed to plant some garlic, but haven't done any other gardening. One of the lavender bushes out the front has died - I guess I should have protected it from the frost. Everything else looks ok though. Hungry rabbits have kept the back lawn neatly trimmed. There are healthy buds on all the fruit bushes.

I realise from looking back that I haven't finished telling about the redecorating. It's a typical tale. Dumb move number one was getting the double bed before painting the small bedroom - that meant there was nowhere to put the furniture. Duh. Cue a week of edging around piles of stuff. Anyhoo, once I had the room stripped I started right in with the left-over paint from my own bedroom, a nice blue. Just to see how that would look, you know. And it did look ok, but after a wall and a half it became apparent that I didn't have nearly enough paint. The finish on the existing paint was a strange semi-gloss and the blue went on very unevenly. It was a B&Q own brand, so off I went for some more. Why I thought they would have any I don't know. They didn't. And I couldn't be bothered driving to the other branches to see if they had any, so I spent another hour dithering over colour chips and samples before choosing something called Cafe Au Lait or Caramel or Light Mud or something. You get the picture. Dull.

Home again I got busy with the roller. Next day I was back at B&Q for another bucket. Paint paint paint. Every time I thought I was finished I'd see another patchy patch. It was gruesome. And such a horrible colour! What was I thinking? Why not a nice fresh yellow? I threw everything back in, made the bed, put up the curtains and it still looked horrible. But I can't be bothered to do it again so it'll just have to stay like that.

The only other DIY I've done since then is to put doors on one of my bookshelves in the dining room, thus creating a cupboard for liquor and teatowels. How posh am I!

The city council is doing some redecorating though - they're fixing up the Ferry Glen walk. The glen is a beautiful little chunk of steeply-sloping woodland with a stream plunging down at one end. It did have a path through it but it's been neglected over the years and has mostly been washed away. For the past couple of weeks the sound of chainsaws has been loud as workmen clear out dead and sickly trees, chip them and spread the chips as mulch. They've had heavy machinery in too, widening the path and laying gravel and hard core. It's nearly finished.



There are still some trees waiting to be cut down. I'm going to miss some of them!

:: rubbish!

I went on a litter-picking walk today. I do it occasionally - there's a few of us in the town do it, it's thankless but if we didn't the place would be knee-deep in cider empties and sweetie wrappers. So anyway I was down the bank with my litter-picker (kindly donated by Joyce from CleanFerry) scrabbling after supermarket bags when an old bloke with a spaniel stopped to congratulate me.

"You're doing a great job. But the council should be doing it!" He launched into a truly British rant about how he'd phoned up the head of the cleansing department about getting the path cleaned up, and he'd said it wasn't the council's job, but then next thing they'd cleaned the path!

I didn't tell about about Joyce's sterling work getting CleanFerry going, about the hundreds of bulbs she and her team planted along the Ferry Glen path, about the flower tubs she organised all along the High Street ... because he was into another stream about how he'd pestered the council about a load of empty bottles somewhere. And then he said: "I'm not saying you shouldn't do what you're doing, it's great - but I use the phone." And off he went!

OK he was old - but probably younger than the most energetic litter-picker, a chap who not only clambers down the bank after the cider empties but also recycles everything he can. And it's such a British attitude, to stand around yapping about how someone else should clean up the mess. Pommie whingers. It's made me even more motivated to pick up litter.

Gadget latest: Good news! The new FM transmitter arrived from Canada and worked like a dream, right out of the package. Fantastic! I'm now filling in forms to try and get compensation for the old one from the Royal Mail. I emailed them about it on the very day that they were fined £11.4 million for losing so much mail; I don't know how that will affect my claim.

Bertie says hi:

:: gadget update

I mailed my non-functioning FM transmitter back to the dudes in Dundee, waited a week then emailed them to ask if they got it. They say not. So I've written that off (though of course I will keep hassling them for a refund) and ordered another one - from a firm in Canada this time. It's a bit more expensive but has whizzy features like a curly cord. It also has very good reviews and the blurb promises that "no matter what, you will be able to transmit".

I soooo want this to work!

:: schadenfreude

There's this bit of road on the way home that's particularly annoying, especially to the driver who's had a super-stressful night at work and at 1.30am is looking forward to slumping on the sofa with a hot drink and the remote control. It's right on the outskirts of the city, and after you go over the bridge, out of the built-up area, there's an upward sweep and the road becomes a motorway. Here's the catch, though: the speed limit rises from 40mph to 70mph halfway up the slope. So the temptation is for the tired, stressed-out night worker is to accelerate up the slope, giving her underpowered, girly car the momentum to reach the top without having to change down to avoid slowing.

Imagine my chagrin then, when I succumbed to that temptation a couple of years back and saw flashing blue lights in my rear-view mirror. I didn't get a ticket or anything but had to go through various humiliations, including lying on the passenger seat to grapple with the bonnet catch (the cops were men, I guess they just like to look at engines). Since then I've been fairly scrupulous about not going over 50mph before I get to the open limit sign. This means I'm fairly often passed at speed by other cars - which really gets up my nose, especially at 1.30am after a super-stressful night at work. Why aren't they caught? Why just me? They're going much faster than I was when I was caught (52mph for the record - there's some sort of 10%-plus-4 rule of thumb for safe speeding).

Last night I was doing my scrupulous 48-and-a-bit-mph run-up to the hill when a car whizzed past me, a souped-up lad's car with too many headlights, you know the kind. Grrr, I thought. Then another car whizzed past, and would you believe it, it was a police car! "Faster, you idiot, faster! You'll never catch them!" I yelled as I accelarated recklessly over 50mph. "They're getting away!" I screeched as they went past the turnoff at what looked like a snail's pace. Round the bend though, I saw a wonderful sight: blue flashing lights. Yessss! Take that, boy racers, and stick it up your tailpipe! Ha ha ha!!

Yep, it doesn't take much to cheer me up these days: a clump of snowdrops, sunshine on the first blush of blossom, blue lights flashing for someone else.

The Liberal Democrats have just thrashed Labour in the Dunfermline by-election. There's a turn-up for the books. Everyone thought Labour would win by a slim margin - it had a big majority last time. And it's a definite win, majority of 2,000-odd. Wow.

Back to work....

:: Inspector Gadget

Wah! My latest gadget doesn't work. My new car has a CD player, so I haven't been able to listen to my MP3 player via the tape-deck adaptor. Last month I went in to an electronics store and asked if a CD adaptor had been invented yet. No, it hasn't, said the nice young man (they don't have personal jet packs yet either, or Star Trek-style replicators). But! There is this gadget which is kind of illegal so we don't sell it but you can get it on the internet.

Yes!! It ticks all my boxes already and I don't even know what it is!

What it is, is an FM transmitter. You plug it in to the headphone socket of your MP3 player and it broadcasts a signal which you can pick up on your car radio. How cool is that?

So I went on the internet and found one and ordered it and it arrived yesterday. There was no manual with it and it was different from the model I'd ordered, but it seemed simple enough. I read up on other transmitters and did all the right things. That is, I sat in my car for ages with the motor idling, stepping my car radio through the frequencies looking for a gap, then tuning the gadget to that frequency and waving the gadget round trying to get the radio to pick up the transmission. I don't know what my neighbours thought I was up to.

But it doesn't work, waaaah! And the firm doesn't answer my emails, double wah! Happily I bought it through Amazon, which has a policy whereby if a reseller doesn't refund then they will. It's not the money though - it wasn't that expensive - it's the disappointment! I really wanted it to work. Bah.

In other news, I have next week off to really get stuck into the DIY. I spent a sweaty weekend getting the blinds secured in the spare room and moving furniture around ready for the new bed, which arrived right on schecule on Monday and is nice and comfy. I still have a heap of work to do though, so a week off will be perfect. I also hope to do some long walks, weather permitting (it's apparently coming over from Russia, though Scotland will miss the worst).

Tomorrow I have to visit the marina to look at the latest redevelopment plans. I'm taking my camera and will post some shots.

No winner in the EuroMillions lottery tonight: the jackpot rolls over to £100 million next week. £100 million!

:: DIY oh why

How hard could it be?

The spare room needs some work, no doubt about it. I've ordered a double bed, so couples can stay in comfort. The window had a blind, a cheap one that was starting to sag in the middle because of the width it was stretching across. So the plan was to trim the blind back and fit it into the actual window space, and put up some curtains as well, for a "window treatment" effect. Flash, eh?

So I went to Ikea on Monday for curtains for the spare room and the small bedroom, which will now house the single bed. This room used to have a venetian blind, but it came crashing down during cleaning operations last month, smashing the brackets. After much mulling at Ikea (which, it being a public holiday, was crowded with people mulling and their bored, bawling children), I chose curtains, rods and finials, plus a nice frame for a gorgeous print Mum sent me for Christmas. Got home and realised I'd forgotten to get brackets for the rods. Sigh, tsk, etc. Yesterday morning I went back thinking that at least Ikea wouldn't be so crowded, only to find it was so insanely busy that the carpark was full. It felt crazy to have to battle the crowds for such a tiny purchase.

Last night I took down the blind, cut it to the approximate size, discovered it was still too wide and cut it again. Then I unscrewed the brackets and repositioned them, after drilling holes in the surround and causing a large crack in the masonry on one side. Sigh, tsk, etc. Fitted the trimmed blind into place, admired the general effect and rolled it up. Blind came crashing down. Sigh, tsk, etc. I've put it back up but I'll have to reposition the brackets somehow to make it secure.

The next step was to put up the brackets for the curtain rods, and that went fairly smoothly, apart from having to take them down again after discovering that the screw that grips the pole is positioned so that it couldn't be loosened in situ except with a very short screwdriver, which of course I don't have. By this stage I was too exhausted and filthy to contemplate hemming the curtains, so I haven't quite finished. But it's going to look lovely.

In between bouts of Ikea and DIY, I went on a few lovely walks. One was along Roslin Glen, which I haven't done for years. Bertie loved that one - a new walk! With extra mud!



Roslin Castle, right next to Rosslyn Chapel (which is under heavy scaffolding and doesn't look romantic at all). Click here for fascinating information about the castle, including the legend of the big scary dog. As soon as I let Bertie off the lead, just under the castle walls, he went hurtling off in the wrong direction. I whistled him back and he came flying, but didn't see me and dashed past, scaring the bejesus out of a young couple coming the other way. Maybe they'd just been reading about the legend!

:: Happy New Year!

Just back in from a big long walk around Holyrood Park, plus a side trip to Linlithgow. Holyrood Park was hotching today - there was the annual One O'Clock Run, the Bicycle Triathlon and Dogmanay, aka husky racing. Bertie was freaked out by the crowds and by the husky-racing commentary, which was echoing round the hills and crags. "HIKE AWAY hike away hike away ay ay HIKE AWAY hike away ay ay YIYIYIYI yiyiyiyiyi!!!!!!!!!" Poor dog was completely baffled. I had imagined the huskies would have been running on a trail in the hills, but they were confined to quite a small oval down on the flat by the palace, running just two teams at a time. I squeezed through to watch a couple of races but they weren't very thrilling: the dogs didn't seem to be taking them seriously at all, some teams were barely running & the mushers were having to scoot their carts along. Bertie was all a-tremble with fear and excitement - "Is she cold?" people asked constantly.

As it was a nice day I drove on past Queensferry to Linlithgow for a walk by the loch. It was much, much colder there, though, so we didn't linger.



I had a quiet New Year's Eve - quiet that is apart from the sound of a dog alternately barking and frantically trying to dig a hole in a corner of the livingroom. I phoned Pinky just after the Bells and had to raise my voice to be heard over the racket. You're supposed to just ignore them, according to the dog behaviourists, otherwise you can inadvertantly reward the activity. But it's hard to ignore such a carry-on! He'd been pretty good most of the evening; there were fireworks earlier but I left the radio on (Classic FM) and all the curtains pulled and he slept on. But at midnight there was a loud volley across the road and behind the house too.

I have another couple of days off and will spend them doing a spot of shopping and DIY. Faye's coming to stay next month, and then Margaret, Jean and Rachael in June, so I've decided to freshen up the spare room. I'm going to put a double bed in there, and move the single bed into the small bedroom that was my study before I got the laptop. I'm going to shop for a bed in the sales tomorrow. I'm also going to paint the small bedroom - it's the one room that hasn't been done yet. Both spare bedrooms need curtains as well, something else I hope to get in the sales. The small room used to have venetians, but they broke with a crash last month - the brackets snapped off.

I may move the old desktop computer into the larger room, I'll see what works best. The big spare bedroom is where Bertie's bed is, so he may have to move. I remember when I decorated my bedroom and moved my furniture in there: my kingsize bed happened to go where Bertie's bed was, and he just assumed I was giving it to him and was mightily pissed off to be booted off!

:: I have the powah

After weeks of grinding my teeth, suddenly it all flows. The car is booked in for a service next Tuesday and a courtesy car will be provided (at first they said no, I'd have to wait two weeks for a courtesy car but I put my foot down quite hard & they capitulated. I would have demanded the sales manager's car if they'd stuck to their guns!).

A new certificate of motor insurance is winging its way to me as well. Yesterday I had the humiliation of going to the PO to renew my tax disc only to discover I had the wrong insurance certificate - and I couldn't find the right one anywhere. (For kiwis: the tax disc is a windscreen sticker that shows you've paid your registration fee; insurance is compulsory over here, so you have to prove you've got it before you can get a tax disc.)

And being on a roll, when I got to work I immediately spotted something set up wrong that could have resulted in mayhem later on, and not only that but I found a simple and elegant solution.

I'm so glad that sticky patch is over. I have a lot of stuff to do this weekend! First off tomorrow is the Christmas work do - lunch in an Italian restaurant followed by drinks at a pub up the road.

:: nothing's ever that simple

When I bought a shiny, nearly-new Ford to replace my ageing, clapped-out Peugeot, I was savvy enough to ask for a service record. There wasn't one, but the salesman said it should have had a service, and promised to track down the record for me. This is where my savvy came undone. I believed him! I know! A used car salesman!

Six months on I still haven't got the record. Not only that - it transpires I haven't got the service record because there isn't one: the car has never been serviced. So now I'm waiting for the Ford service centre to phone to arrange for a service - no doubt at a time of maximum inconvenience.

Mind you, any time until after New Year would be a time of maximum inconvenience. Unless they give me a courtesy car - some friends with an Audi have a brand-new one to tool around in while their airconditioning leak is sorted out. I'm not used to these little luxuries: with my old car I would drop it at the local garage on my way home from work and pick it up on my way to work the next day. But the Ford service place is out in industrial estate country, near the bypass.

I'm starting to feel like that League of Gentlemen character: "Are you local?" I've abandoned my fancy-pants city hairdresser for the local salon. And it's so liberating! I popped in (popping in is such a "local" thing to do, isn't it?) yesterday and made an appointment for today. Left home two minutes before the appointment and arrived bang on time. Half an hour later I was home with glossy, neatly trimmed hair, for a fraction of the price. My previous hairdresser was originally "local", in that his salon was just up the road from my old flat. But then high rents drove them out to a bustling suburb, and news of his excellence meant he got busier and more expensive, while I moved out here. I'd have to book weeks in advance, then drive in (it was either that or two buses), spend ages looking for a park, pay a small fortune and drive home (half an hour each way). Local is the way to go.

:: plumb crazy

The plumber-who-put-Jack's-bath-in-wrong wasn't busy at all. He - or rather his underling - rang the doorbell at 9am on Thursday, the day after I phoned. Underling, an extremely reserved youth, scurried up the ladder into the loft and had the ballcock replaced in a jiffy. He didn't have a timer in the van, he said, so he'd be back later.

I popped up to the loft and put the lid back on the header tank and tucked in its cosy insulation. It is winter, after all.

Underling returned at lunchtime. He had the old timer off in a jiffy but couldn't work out how to fit the new one. After a phone call his boss arrived. I sat in on the lesson in How to Replace a Timer and I think I could do it myself now. Apparently it's reasonably important to make a note of which wire goes where, or else you may fuse the switch and get told off and have to run out to the van for a new fuse and a better screwdriver. Also, it's good to turn off the switch before poking at live wires with said screwdriver.

Eventually they got the thing wired up, but then the heating wouldn't come on. It's your solenoid, Bossman said. Eh? Then the heating came on. "It should come on right away," he said. "It came on right away last night," I replied. He denied having caused solenoidal problems & suggested I replace it - "forty quid". When I balked, pointing out that it was actually still working, he suddenly noticed the lack of ventilation.

Uh oh. Next thing Underling is hurrying out to the van for a notice, which Bossman duly affixed to the front of the gas heater.



Every time a gas plumber comes to my house I end up with a notice tied to the heater. Scottish Gas do nice big yellow ones. The real scunner though was when he came back the next morning (9am again) with a form for me to sign, presumably absolving himself of all responsibility in the event of me dying of carbon monoxide poisoning. I don't know, I was still asleep when I signed it.

The new timer is a snazzy electronic number, though it does pretty much the same job as the old one. Which had a sticker on the back showing that it was over 20 years old!



The new timer won't need to last that long - I'm planning to get a new system in the next couple of years.

I'm really tired of those warnings.

:: stood up

How naive was I, thinking the plumber would come today just because he said he would? He said tea-time, which I narrowed down to "around five or six". I waited until 7.30 before phoning. He'd forgotten. He couldn't come now because he was going out. And then he got angry with me! It was like I'm some kind of mad stalker who keeps ringing him up. He's too nice to just say no, so he doesn't show up and hopes I'll stop calling. We had a big fight and now we're through. Sob.

Tomorrow I'll try someone else, maybe the other local plumber, the one who put Jack's new bathroom in but put the wrong slant on the bath so that water collects in the wastepipe and smells musty. He probably won't be busy.

Aside from that it was an ok day - did some housework, did some computer stuff (very satisfying, actually, though far too geeky to go into here - I solved a problem with my old computer that I had thought was insoluble).

And, I now have "Happy Birthday" down pat on the guitar and have started on "Ode to Joy". It's trickier because you pluck with two fingers - it's going to take forever to learn, but it's lovely. I prefer picking to chords, though I'm also practising some blues style riffing.